The government’s main job, as Thomas Jefferson probably knew, is to provide us a pathway to eternal pleasure. By that, I mean, we need drugs. I am not talking about weak sauce like cocaine or heroin and shit. I’m talking about not-yet-developed ultra hyper pleasure-drugs with no side effects other than possibly incessant orgasming and an acute feeling of exultation.

Skeptical? Well then this article is for you. Read on brutha’.