Bold Predictions for the 2020 NFL Season

As I mentioned in my inaugural bold predictions post in 2018, bold predictions by the “experts” are almost all bullshit pussy predictions because they want credit when they’re right, but won’t take responsibility when they’re wrong.

It makes me sick and it makes me want to hurt children, so you won’t find this “expert” doing anything of the sort. I take credit & responsibility for all my predictions. Be they bold or tepid or vagynal.

Because I’m retarded, I forgot to review my 2018 predictions in 2019 and of course failed to make any further predictions then either. I’m sorry. I fucked up. I’ll do that now.

Quickly, my 2018 fantasy football predictions were that LeVeon Bell would not be a Top 10 RB in 2018 (Nailed it!), that Corey Davis would be a Top 10 WR (Fuck!), and that Evan Engram would be the #2 fantasy TE (Oops).

I’m sorry for the shitty predictions. I sucked butthole. Bad John Box! Bad!

But I will make it up to you this year with the following bold predictions for the 2020 season. I promise that they will all come true despite how bold they are, and if I’m wrong, you can paddle my ass virtually on the social network of your choice and I will take it like a man. (Men take ass-paddlings stone-faced, like they don’t mind them, right?)

#1. Kenyon Drake will be a Top 3 RB this year. (His ADP is currently 9, and fucking nobody has him breaking into the Power 4 of Run DMC, Barkley, Zeke, & Kamara.)

Kenyon Drake will dominate fantasy in 2020.

#2. Not only will the Tampa Bay Bucs not make the playoffs, they won’t even finish .500. (As of 8/12/2020, they are the 5th favorite to win the Super Bowl.)

Tom Brady and the Bucs are going down like Paris Hilton.

#3. Dallas Goedert will be a Top 5 TE this year. The guy has God in his name. Phonetically, at least. And God is out for payback for that sucker punch he suffered this summer. Payback in the form of quality fantasy production. (His ADP is currently 14.)

Dallas Goedert bringing slushies for you and me and everyone betting on him.

Bonus Prediction: #4. The Cleveland Browns will play in the AFC Championship. The O-line has leveled-up and ODB & Baker Gayfield will finally get on the same page. (They are currently the 8th favorite to make the AFC Championship game.)

This Cleveland Browns Super Bowl Champs tatoo is likely just a couple years early.

You can take all those Bold Predictions to the bank and bet your mortgage and kids on ‘em. You’re welcome, and God bless the NFL and fantasy football.

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