Bold Predictions for the 2021 NFL Season

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As I mention every year, bold predictions by the “experts” are almost all bullshit pussy predictions because they want credit when they’re right, but won’t take responsibility when they’re wrong.

You’ll find none of that fence-sitting here. I take credit & responsibility for all my predictions. Mainly credit, because all of my predictions come true.

Having said that, I had four bold predictions last year, and none of them came true.

Sorry about that.

I predicted that Kenyan Drake would be a Top 3 RB. He wasn’t.

I predicted that Tom Brady’s Tampa Bay Bucs would finish below .500. They won the Super Bowl.

I predicted that Dallas Goedert would be a Top 5 TE. He wasn’t.

And I predicted that the Cleveland Browns would play in the AFC Championship. They didn’t. But they were close. Clearly, I was a year ahead of my time as they’re the hot bold pick this year. Fuckers.

Regardless, I totally apologize for all of those horrible predictions. They were stupid. I was stupid. Stupid John Box!

But I’ll make it up to y’all with my can’t-miss,-bet-the-mortgage-on-’em bold predictions for 2021. I promise that they will all come true and if I’m wrong, I’ll change my nickname to King Little Dick.

#1. Jonathan Taylor, currently the 6th-ranked RB, will not even be a Top 15 Fantasy RB. He beat up on shit teams at the end of last season and that’s it. He’ll be so-so. Or maybe, fingers crossed, he’ll get hurt. Totally JK, but I’ll take it as a win if he does get hurt.

“Hell’s Yeah! I crapped all over John Box’s fantasy team last year, and I’m gonna crap all over yours this year. Hell’s Yeah!”

“Hell’s Yeah! I crapped all over John Box’s fantasy team last year, and I’m gonna crap all over yours this year. Hell’s Yeah!”

#2. Najee Harris will be the #1 Fantasy RB.

“This is me leap-frogging Run CMD into fantasy greatness.”

“This is me leap-frogging Run CMD into fantasy greatness.”

#3. Wayne Gallman will be a league winner. I’m not gonna define what a “league winner” is, but just like porn, you’ll know it when you see it.

“I’m gonna be what now?”

“I’m gonna be what now?”

#4. Mac Jones, a rookie, will lead the NE Patriots to another Super Bowl title, proving once and for all that Tom Brady is just a system QB who has benefited from two of the best head coaches and situations ever.

[Picture of Bill Belichick pooping on Tom Brady’s grave.]
[Caption: “Feels good, man.”]

You’re welcome for these Bold Predictions that I guarantee will come true. Go ahead and bet you kid’s 529 on ‘em. God bless the NFL and fantasy football.